Catholic Guilt
by MissToastie
Summary: A story of Jane Rizzoli coming to terms with falling in love with a woman.


**Trying to get back into writing so I've been accepting Rizzles prompts in my Tumblr (sashaalexanderisalesbianatheart) inbox - anons welcome.**

 **\- MT.**

 **PROMPT:**

 **Anonymous: "Jane having Catholic guilt for liking Maura and Maura having enough and turns nasty."**

* * *

"Apparently you're going on a date tonight with Toni from Narcotics?" Jane stormed into Maura's office, allowing the door to slam shut behind her.

"I am." Maura replied as she casually continued to read through the paperwork in her hand.

"Why?" Jane questioned. She watched as Maura purposely ignored her. "Seriously?!"

"Because Detective, she asked me if I would like to attend the upcoming Cohen Maxwell Foundation ball as her date, so I accepted on the condition she'd accompany me to dinner before we attend the ball." Maura refused to look up from the paperwork in front of her. She was no longer reading it but for now it needed to be her focus.

"Right. So _you_ asked her out." A hint of bitterness overcome Jane's anger.

"I believe we mutually asked one another out."

"What about us?" Jane cringed at how insecure and soft her question was.

"Us?" Maura laughed, a tainted bitter and hurtful sound escaped her lips. "There is no us, Jane. You've made that very clear."

"Really? I told you that I loved you." Jane stepped closer toward Maura's desk. "That I didn't want anyone else to date you."

"And yet you wouldn't date me." Maura finally looked up and met Jane's questioning eyes. "You'd get angry, arrogant, _jealous_ every single time I went on a date. You purposely were rude to those that I dated, you challenged their every word, you may as well have _urinated on me_ every time I was in the presence of somebody else."

"Don't be"

"Do not interrupt me!" Maura snapped. "You don't get to do this anymore Jane. You told me you loved me five months ago. Five whole months and nothing! You told me not to date anyone else, you got angry when I mentioned the idea of a date three months back when Roy asked me to dinner, you became territorial, you told me I wasn't allowed to date anyone else because of us." Maura stood up and walked closer to Jane. "Us." She laughed, a tear falling from her eye. "But there was never an us, because big, bad, _brave_ Jane Rizzoli can't come to terms with the fact she is in love with a woman."

"That's unfair." Jane countered.

"You know what's not fair? Stringing me along for five months. You didn't even drop a hint as to what we were. I'd place my hand on your thigh and you'd flinch."

"It took me by surprise."

"Every single time I touched you? When we'd hug, I'd kiss your neck and you'd make up some bullshit excuse and push me away." Maura shook her head. "You made me feel dirty. And I was so confused, because I thought somebody telling me that they loved me, and that they wanted to be with me and that I wasn't allowed to date anyone else, meant that I'd be dating them. That I could finally hold you and touch you the way I have wanted to for so long." She paused. "But no, I couldn't do that. You wanted me to stop dating people, and you wouldn't give me intimacy."

"I wasn't ready."

"In five months you weren't ready to hold my hand? To kiss me at least once? I wasn't asking for you to go down on me, Jane. I was asking for affection."

"I don't have sex when I'm first dating someone Maura, I'm not like y.." Jane stopped herself and hung her head low, knowing she had said too much.

"I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy sex, no actually, I love sex, I love being intimate, I love having an orgasm and _I love_ giving them." Maura straightened her dress. "And I'm not going to be made to feel embarrassed by that fact. I'm unsure whether or not this is Catholic guilt, but I honestly don't care anymore." Maura turned around and grabbed her cell phone and bag from the table behind her desk. "We'll go back to being best friends, and we'll forget all of this ever happened."

"I can't do that, Maura." Jane protested. "Not with how I feel about you."

"I'm not being someones dirty secret, Jane. I'm not ashamed of who I am. And I'm no longer allowing myself to feel that way because of you Jane." Maura walked to her office door. "It's a shame because we would have been beautiful together. But being your best friend is better than being nothing at all."


End file.
